Having thought deeply about workplace violence and mothering myself, I now have this to offer as a strategy to help survive the workday:
David Hasselhoff? Check
That annoying chanting from Ally McBeal? Check
Angels? Check
Flying fish? Check
Jumping Africans? Check
Plenty of green screens? Check
I grew up in Goleta, which used to be mostly lemon groves. Now it’s mostly strip malls and stucco developments. That’s the story of most of coastal Southern California.
Now, Goleta will be remembered for another Post Office Shooting.
It’s not surprising that there has been more workplace violence, but it’s a little surprising that it’s again at the post office (Is it just the worst environment in the world? Even the processing plants?). We see so much violence on the news, many of us have so much anger that seethes right below the surface (including yours truly), we see violence everywhere as the solution to conflict, and we spend so much time at work, that we can’t expect anything other than violence in the workplace.
Prayer to Refrain From Violence
Thou givest a hand to transgressors, and thy right hand is stretched out to receive the penitent; thou hast taught us, O Lord our God, to make confession unto thee of all our sins, in order that we may cease from the violence of our hands, that thou mayest receive us into thy presence in perfect repentance.
Source: Hebrew Prayer Book
Angels bless and angels keep
Angels guard me while I sleep
Bless my heart and bless my home
Bless my spirit as I roam
Guide and guard me through the night
and wake me with the morning’s light.
Amen
In the Tibetan calendar.
And it’s Losar, the Tibetan New Year (and almost the end of the new year celebrations). Losar is celebrated according to the lunar calendar, so the date varies year to year. It’s also listed as a half dozen different dates in 2006! (So clearly this is more difficult to calculate than you might think).
Much like many Christian holidays are pre-dated by similar pagan ones, Losar is predated by a holiday. Tibetans have always celebrated Losar, even before they practiced Buddhism.
Help Us Remember
Heavenly Father,
Help us remember that the jerk who cut us off in traffic last night is a single mother who worked nine hours that day and is rushing home to cook dinner, help with homework, do the laundry and spend a few precious moments with her children.
Help us to remember that the pierced, tattooed, disinterested young man who can’t make change correctly is a worried 19-year-old college student, balancing his apprehension over final exams with his fear of not getting his student loans for next semester.
Remind us, Lord, that the scary looking bum, begging for money in the same spot every day (who really ought to get a job!) is a slave to addictions that we can only imagine in our worst nightmares.
Help us to remember that the old couple walking annoyingly slow through the store aisles and blocking our shopping progress are savoring this moment, knowing that, based on the biopsy report she got back last week, this will be the last year that they go shopping together.
Heavenly Father, remind us each day that, of all the gifts you give us, the greatest gift is love. It is not enough to share that love with those we hold dear. Open our hearts not to just those who are close to us, but to all humanity. Let us be slow to judge and quick to forgive, show patience, empathy and love.
- Author Unknown
May we live more wisely within our overlapping ecosystems.
May we cherish anew the wonder of clean waters and fresh winds.
May we more wisely tend and respect the animals and plants that nourish us.
May the sacred fires of Beltane* guide us into new paths of hope.
a blessing by Kathleen Jenks
*It’s not Beltane, but it is a wonderful blessing.
It’s Chinese New Year Today!
Chinese New Year starts on the new moon of the new year and lasts for 15 days. Here are some highlights:
First Day: Abstain from meat to assure a long and prosperous life.
Second Day: Treat your dog especially well as it is the birthday of all dogs.
Fifth Day: Stay home to welcome the God of Wealth.
Sixth Day: Begin visits to friends and family.
Ninth Day: Make offerings to the Jade Emperor.
Fifteenth Day: Lantern Festival
Some Questions You Might Ask
Is the soul solid, like iron?
Or is it tender and breakable, like
the wings of a moth in the beak of an owl?
Who has it, and who doesn’t?
I keep looking around me.
The face of the moose is as sad
as the face of Jesus.
The swan opens her white wings slowly.
In the fall, the black bear carries leaves into the darkness.
One question leads to another.
Does it have a shape? Like an iceberg?
Like the eye of a hummingbird?
Does it have one lung, like the snake and the scallop?
Why should I have it, and not the anteater
who loves her children?
Why should I have it, and not the camel?
Come to think of it, what about maple trees?
What about the blue iris?
What about all the little stones, sitting alone in the moonlight?
What about roses, and lemons, and their shining leaves?
What about the grass?
—Mary Oliver
It’s time for a quiz!
I’m a Kapha (Water) Dosha, and should not sleep in the northeast quadrant of my house, which, of course, is where we sleep. Nice. Does this explain why I have to wake up and pee every night? Hmm.
The Gayatri Mantra
Oh God! Thou art the Giver of Life,
Remover of pain and sorrow,
The Bestower of happiness,
Oh! Creator of the Universe,
May we receive thy supreme sin-destroying light,
May Thou guide our intellect in the right direction.
Ms. Theologian will respond to Katrina Denza’s tag.
Ten Things You May Not Know About Me
1. When I was three, God spoke to me at nursery school. God said, “Run forward into the world with your eyes closed and arms outstretched.” I did this. I ran straight into a Morton Bay Fig tree and broke my nose. I actually think that God’s word was correct, but that I didn’t implement it quite right.
2. Later during the year I was three, God told me to play with some clay I found in the sandbox. This turned out to be dog poo. Again, I think I must have misunderstood dog…erm…God.
3. I grew up in a very conservative suburban community (Have you seen Country Boys? It was like that sort of religious-base, but in a middle-class framework). There was a religious club in my high school that prayed, sometimes for my pagan soul, which they then told me about afterward.
4. In an ecumenical service that I led, I once gave communion with Fruitopia instead of wine (I forgot the wine). I did say a short prayer for forgiveness, but frankly I didn’t think God would mind. No one in the service seemed to notice.
5. I got ordained over the Internet because I was afraid that the minister my friend, Ghost Girl, hired for her wedding wouldn’t show up. He was ordained over the Internet too. (I also went to seminary before this, but chose not to be ordained that way).
6. I consider public service one of the highest form of ministry. I’m vice-president of the local water board, which is probably more work than my day job. And I do it for free so that we can have safe, clean, protected water.
7. Close to nothing makes me angrier than homophobia.
8. I find absolutely no contradiction between theology and science and often think they are more or less the same thing.
9. Along those lines, I’m good in math and science and earn a living writing for educational publishers.
10. I hike almost every day behind my house. I consider if a form of worship.
Passing the tag to Ghost Girl, Anne Bauer, Kristie, Aimee, and Anne Pender.
“It’s in giving that we receive.”
-Prayer of St. Francis, 13th century saint
If you are like many people on Earth, you work for fulfillment, for community, for stimulation, and most of all, for money. It’s necessity.
Candace Chellew-Hodge, editor of Whosoever , reflects on her relationship with money in her essay, It’s in the Giving that We Receive.
Do not be confused. I am not preaching a prosperity gospel here. I am not preaching that you give to get - for that is what the prosperity preachers tell you: “If you do this, God will do that.” No, do not misunderstand….
God may indeed bring money or material success into your life if you banish thoughts of lack, but God may also bring in more intangible things - love, kindness, friendship, community, a sense of well-being, a sense of personal fulfillment.
“Whichever way you turn, there is the face of God.” (Surah 2:115)
and in another translation
“And God’s is the east and the west: and wherever you turn, there is God’s countenance.” (Surah 2:115)
More about the Qur’an
A prayer to say before the workday….
Discourse on Lovingkindness
Let your love flow outward through the universe,
To its height, its depth, its broad extent,
A limitless love, without hatred or enmity.
Then as you stand or walk,
Sit or lie down,
As long as you are awake,
Strive for this with a one-pointed mind;
Your life will bring heaven to earth.
- The Buddha
Dear Ms. Theologian;I manage a small but demanding team. My job involves a lot of multi-tasking and can often times be very stressful. My team members can be very pushy and impatient. One of them has a reputation of being a real cry baby. Some days the stress of managing such self-absorbed team members really gets to me, and I find myself yelling at them. Awful, but true. What are some tips for keeping the peace in such a chaotic workplace? Keep in mind the people I work with are very irrational and not always cooperative. They even spit food and crap in their pants.
Signed,
Boiling Point
Dear Boiling Point,
I hear that you are very frustrated and that you find the environment very chaotic. You are doing a very difficult job with challenging team members.
The best reason not to yell is that it is largely ineffective. The second best reason not to yell is that it models behavior you certainly don’t want to see from your team members, especially when they’re older and bigger.
You may find Stop the Yelling! and Reminders about Discipline helpful.
It is easy to forget in motherhood how to take care of yourself because of the pressing needs of your team members. The team members are very important, but if you don’t take care of your physical, emotional, and spiritual health, then you can’t take care of them. It sounds like you are neglecting yourself, which is pushing you to this point of frustration.
Try focusing on your breath. There is really nothing more basic than this. And breathing exercises can be done anywhere at anytime. You can go with simple breathing exercises or more complex yogic breathing.
Try a mantra. While many mantras are rooted in a religious tradition, there is nothing wrong with one that you make up. I like, “I am calm and relaxed.” I have a friend who uses, “I am okay” during times of stress. Even a more global mantra, such as “May Peace Prevail on Earth” may seem quite relevant to your coworkers.
Try meditation. The “trick” with meditation is not to give up. It is hard to clear your mind, but it is the process that counts just as much as the outcome.
Try prayer. There is no right way to pray. Find a quiet place (locking yourself in the bathroom may work), close your eyes, breath, and say what your heart feels. You don’t have to address anyone. You don’t need to expect a reply.
Try scheduling time to yourself. This does not include time by yourself cleaning the bathroom, doing the dishes, or vaccuuming. No, this is time for yourself doing things you used to do and enjoy before you began managing the team: seeing a movie, reading a book, writing in your journal, taking a walk, spacing out, getting a massage, whatever.
There is no overnight success strategy for managing your team, but any of these approaches applied consistently should decrease your frustration level and quiet your workplace (not completely, that’s creepy).
–Ms. Theologian
is hard to do with a person, but it’s just as difficult with a group of people.
In this article, Breaking Up Is Hard to Do, Matthew Paul Turner describes how he has left religious communities.
Leaving a religious community (voluntarily or involuntarily) can be like leaving a family, with all the emotional turmoil that entails. At the same time, much like when someone grows up and does leave the family, it can also be very necessary.
Many, if not all, of the world’s religions consider altruism to be an important tenet. Although there is much disagreement about what exactly constitutes altruism, we find agreement that an altruistic act is a selfless one. And, in many ways, this is the simplest ethical code: individuals have a moral obligation to help others.
Humans are not the only species that can be altruistic. Throughout the animal kingdom, there are examples of altruism. Excerpted from Biological Altruism:,
For example, vampire bats regularly regurgitate blood and donate it to other members of their group who have failed to feed that night, ensuring they do not starve.In numerous bird species, a breeding pair receives help in raising its young from other ‘helper’ birds, who protect the nest from predators and help to feed the fledglings.
Vervet monkeys give alarm calls to warn fellow monkeys of the presence of predators, even though in doing so they attract attention to themselves, increasing their personal chance of being attacked.
In social insect colonies (ants, wasps, bees and termites), sterile workers devote their whole lives to caring for the queen, constructing and protecting the nest, foraging for food, and tending the larvae. Such behaviour is maximally altruistic: sterile workers obviously do not leave any offspring of their own — so have personal fitness of zero — but their actions greatly assist the reproductive efforts of the queen.
Dear Ms. Theologian,
I told my direct reports that I was going to take them out to lunch to thank them for their hard work on a project. One of my reports came up and said, you shouldn’t take us out, we’re happy to pay for ourselves. Now, I appreciate the sentiment, but I feel this is part of my job, and I want to do it. However, this is a person who not only will refuse to take no for an answer, but she doesn’t hear you say no in the first place and beats it into the ground. I’ve seen people leave the room because she pushed things on them too much.
Here is an example conversation:
BH: I know you don’t know her very well but we’re all getting pizza to celebrate Nancy’s birthday, you’re welcome to join us.
ME: No thanks, I’m a little tired of pizza and I brought lunch from home.
BH: You should join us!
ME: No, really I have stuff to do at lunch.
{LATER}
BH: We have the pizza, come join us.
ME: No thanks.
BH: Oh come join us for a while, you can have a slice of pizza.
ME: Thanks, really, I have stuff to do.
BH: I’ll bring you a slice then, you can eat it at your desk.
ME: Oh I have lunch, but thanks.
BH: You can eat it later, I’ll bring you a slice.
ME: No really, I’m sick of pizza, I”ve had it four times in two weeks.
BH: Oh just one, I’ll bring it to you.
ME: I don’t want one, but thanks.
BH: I’ll just bring it and you can save it.
ME: BOBBLEHEAD, I REALLY DON’T WANT ANY, PLEASE!
BH: But…
That’s literally a verbatim conversation. So you can see what I’m up against.
–Wishes she could beat them with a cast iron skillet
Dear She Who Wields a Cast Iron Skillet –
I hear that you are saying no. I really do hear that. But BH (also known as Bobblehead) does not.
It seems like you are using at least two of the strategies from six ways to say no, including the “direct no,” and “the reasoned no.” It does seem that neither of these is working. Bobblehead doesn’t listen to reason (or she tries to reason with reason) and she doesn’t take a direct no as no.
I suggest trying “the broken record approach” with a polite, firm no. See how the conversation sounds?
BH: We have the pizza, come join us.
ME: No thanks.
BH: Oh come join us for a while, you can have a slice of pizza.
ME: No.
BH: I’ll bring you a slice then, you can eat it at your desk.
ME: No.
BH: You can eat it later, I’ll bring you a slice.
ME: No.
BH: Oh just one, I’ll bring it to you.
ME: No.
BH: I’ll just bring it and you can save it.
ME: No.
BH: But…
Saying no is powerful stuff (ask anyone with a toddler). It’s drawing our limitations and establishing our boundaries. BH is abusing both of those.
If the broken record approach doesn’t work, I suggest this statement:
“I know that you would like me to have a slice of pizza with you. You need to hear me. I said no. It is disrespectful to me as your boss when you don’t hear what I say. I said no and I meant it.”
Hard to do, but it may be necessary.
-Ms. Theologian
Dear Ms. Theologian,
I want to forge a team identity for my direct reports as I feel this is lacking.
Do you have any other suggestions for forging a team identity when no one on the team really gets along, and they have not had to act as a team in the past?
-A Manager
Dear Manager –
My own experience with team-building brings together memories of trust walks, ropes courses, and falling backward into the arms of someone I hated. It’s not a pretty picture. Why were these attempts at team-building a cringe-worthy failure?
They didn’t address the underlying issues.
There are resources on this topic by people who know a lot about management. So, know that those tips are available, but let’s work on this from a spiritual point of view.
The first and most important team in each of our lives is our family. That’s right, our first community in life–mommy, daddy, and siblings. Or daddy, daddy, and siblings. Or mommy and no sibs. You get the picture. This family is imprinted on us. It affects us deeply as adults. For the most part, many of us function the same way in teams at work as we function with our families (scary, but true). If we hate our parents and tease our siblings incessantly as a strategy to survive, you better believe that we hate our bosses and tease our coworkers incessantly.
In order to build a team, you need to address everyone’s deep-seated need to belong to a community and have a sense of deeper purpose. In order to do this, you need to instill the values of respect and trust. Without those, there is no chance for a team. This is what a good parents would do. It’s also what a good manager does.
You might begin with one of these sorts of activites: Purposeful and Playful Workshop Exercises and Strategies. These activities can provide a way to encourage respect through listening and open and honest commuication in the workplace. And they aren’t just ice-breakers. They can be used frequently.
In order to have a sense of a team, you need to find ways for people to do their jobs as individuals AND as team-members. If there is no need for them to act as a team, then they probably aren’t going to. You need to find ways for them to have the welfare of the team tied to their individual performance.
I’m sorry that I can’t provide a quick fix for this. It seems to me that with ways to build trust and increase respect in the workplace as well as ways to tie individual performance to the group need to be customized for your place. And you, the manager, are the best person to do this.
–Ms. Theologian
This month is national hobby month.
What is a hobby? A hobby is something that complements your life, that provides you with meaning, that provides an opportunity for you to enjoy yourself outside of work.
At its best, a hobby is play, and it’s not just for children.
While we often find ourselves in careers that are not fulfilling in the ways that they used to be, a hobby can be a place to find that fulfillment.
And, while talking to people about their own sense of spirituality, I’ve noted that hobbies frequently develop into interesting and fulfilling careers.
This week is the 2006 Week of Prayer for Christian Unity, a week long time of ecumenical prayer for Christians that embraces the unit between denominations (Jesus Christ as the savior of humankind)and not the divisiveness (celibacy of leaders, abortion, ordination of women). The theme is that there is more that unites Christians than divides them.
Matthew 18:18-20
“Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Again, I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in Heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I in the midst of them.”