David Robinson of the Haas School of Business, UC Berkeley, takes on the issue of whether to tell your business hosts of your vegetarianness (scroll down to the second question) at a work function (where steak was the entree). Here’s part of his response:
Since (rightly or wrongly) carnivores are the norm, there’s a social burden on you to let your hosts know ahead of time about your food preferences. You can avoid the drama up front with a simple comment: “Oh, I’d love to come. And I should let you know that I’m a vegetarian.” Then offer some work-arounds that seem to work when you are in the home of meat eaters.
From the point of view of your hosts, they panicked because they wanted to make a nice meal for everyone and there’s always some uncertainty about how deeply vegetarian you might be. Would a cheese omelet be acceptable or do you avoid all animal products?
I’m really of two minds of this. I’d rather not have anyone ever make me a special meal, so I’d rather not say anything. Why? I don’t like the fuss. I know I’m picky about food. And often the special meal has an entirely new set of issues (e.g., the cheese omelet).
But as a host, I’d really rather that everyone told me her eating preferences and guidelines upfront so I understood the challenge appropriately. I should note that at one dinner party, when I did finally accumulate the preferences of 8 Californians, I decided it was impossible to create a meal that pleased everyone, and that it needed to be a potluck.
I see that I considered this thoroughly before as Ms. Theologian advising disclosure. The only thing I would add is that if you choose to disclose, it’s important to explain what vegetarian or vegan means to you (e.g., I’m a vegetarian, so I don’t eat red meat, white meat, fowl or fish). Many people don’t know, and the words aren’t always used in the same ways.
May 29th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
As a hostess, I’d rather know, but I also usually tell my invitees what my ideas are for the meal. Then I ask for feedback. I don’t ask so as to change the whole meal around, but I look at side dishes and whatnot. My parents have dietary restrictions related to their religion (kind of a kosher lite), and I ate that way for 20+ some odd years, so it’s not a big deal to me.
But yes, definitely tell people what you do and don’t eat; it’s better than just stating “Vegetarian.”
I remember going to Spain with my mom when I was still Muslim, and we tried to order a beef and bacon egg burger without the beef and bacon. We just wanted the egg and fixings. So we said “no carne, no carne.” Well, they brought the burger with bacon all over it. And they were like, “What? You said no carne, not no bacon!”
LOL
May 29th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Okay, let’s put this in terms of religious reasons as mentioned above–for example if you don’t drink, or are vegetarian, orr don’t eat pork or shellfish–all fairly mainstream religious reasons. Do you think it is more or less acceptable to bring it up, vs vegetarianism as a simple dietary preference (let’s leave aside ethical reasons etc.)
Or, if you’re an alcoholic, would it be better to simply not drink, or to mention you don’t drink?
How about food allergies?
I’m just wondering if there is a difference due to perception–would people who might feel a bit surly over a special request from a “voluntary” vegetarian be okay if it seemed to have a more “valid” reason in their eyes? Should that change your decision to speak up?
May 29th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
It’s an interesting question, and perhaps more of a Ms. Theologian one. What’s your thinking on it?
If I were saying it (about vegetarianism or alcohol use), I would leave out all explanation of reasons why. I consider my own vegetarianism religious, actually, but I don’t ever say that, mainly because I think it’s in the myob category. I don’t really want it ranked as in some framework of 1. religious 2. spiritual 3. ethical 4 medical 5. simply a preference. On the other hand, providing vegetarian food for vegetarians-for-religious reasons may fall under “reasonable accomodation” under the law.
Hafidha, I had the same sort of waiter in New Zealand who brought a burger that was simply a bun. Well, I didn’t want meat, so I got nothing really except the bun. It was toasted.
May 30th, 2008 at 7:26 am
h sofia–wow, that so reminds me of the line in “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”: “He don’t eat no meat? Fine, I’ll make lamb!”
I’m in favor of disclosure when it’s a private dinner party kind of event. I assume that other hosts, like myself, want their guests to enjoy the food, and would rather know. For a big public event, I think a vegetarian option should always be offered, but if you know it’s not going to be (and if its a one-off event like a wedding, not a regular event like the monthly sales lunch meeting), eat in advance. Probably especially if you have a condition (lactose intolerance, celiac disease) that makes the more common types of vegetarian options unrealistic.
This may be a problem that solves itself over time. With food prices the way they are and rising, it’s either going to become extremely chic to serve lentil stew or rice and beans at events, or people are going to stop entertaining altogether.
May 30th, 2008 at 8:19 am
I had a friend disclose perfectly in email, almost as David suggests:
We’d love to come. We’re vegetarians, which means we don’t eat any flesh, fowl, or fish, but we would love to bring something. Please let us know how we can help.
It would be awesome if this resolved itself over time.
May 30th, 2008 at 6:31 pm
Not being a vegetarian, and having few “dietary revulsions” as it were, it’s hard to comment, but–I lived on the West Coast for so long, and there it was hardly even an issue. It was always assumed that there would be at least one vegetarian present, and it was perfectly normal.
Here [edited to add, “here” is New York], if you don’t eat bacon (this state’s primary meat, I swear to god), you are either Jewish or a fucking hippy, pardon my french. It’s not a capital offense as it is in, say, the midwest, but it’s considered kind of oddball at least. But, if you are Jewish it’s acceptable though tragic, whereas if it’s voluntary it’s just plain stupid.
I have met a lot of people with food aversions who will say they are allergic in order for it to be taken seriously that they just plain will not eat something.
So in my experience, I think that people who are omnivores are a lot more accepting of dietary restrictions if they have a basis in something they will understand–namely, a religion where that restriction is common knowledge, or an allergy. Because to people who enjoy eating something, if you voluntarily do not eat it, it’s possibly a comment on their tastes?
May 31st, 2008 at 7:40 pm
But, if you are Jewish it’s acceptable though tragic, whereas if it’s voluntary it’s just plain stupid.
GG, that is soooo true, and so funny!