Surviving the Workday

I love holidays. It’s like a built-in theme for the column. I barely have to think. Which is a good thing today, given the horrendous amount of candy I consumed at work. They had bowls of it in every conference room. Was that really necessary?

I’m betting all the Grade-A Halloween news will come out tomorrow, so I might just have to write a followup post, but I have a small collection going already.

•  A woman in a “Star Wars costume” decided to start Halloween early, robbing a bank in Ohio.  It doesn’t say exactly which character she was dressed up as. I will refrain from any obnoxious Jabba the Hut comments.
• A Washington State school is canceling Halloween celebrations this year–not because it offends Christians, as I expected, but because it is “disrespectful to witches.” Well that’s a new one. Though, I did find that all sorts of schools seem to be finding excuses to ban Halloween.
• I am glad I am not a journalist, or I would be stuck covering what appears to be a sparsely attended event wherein a pumpkin is dropped on an outhouse. What the hell? (Beware, video link that starts up right away.)
• In Japan on Halloween, you have to beware of the “Filth Licker” and the raccoon dog with giant testicles.
• Whereas in America, you merely have to beware of crazy neighbors with over-the-top Halloween decorations. Or, neighbors who think that burning crosses make for good decor.
• A funeral home had a rocking 80th anniversary party including an Elvis impersonator.
• Finally, pick your worst nightmare:
  • Being bitten by a rattlesnake while delivering the mail.
  • Having your fifteen-year-old’s teacher strip in front of her students.
  • A mistake by the cable installer fills your kitchen with raw sewage.
  • Dying in the ER after being ignored for 34 hours.
  • Giving birth to (and presumably raising) the most horrible teen hoodlum in Australia.

Happy Halloween, I’m off to find more sugar since I’m coming down off my high.