Surviving the Workday

I appear to have sprained my finger or something, so I will actually be doing as little typing as possible for this post. (”Well thank god,” they all said.) Today is another day of themeless weirdness, or perhaps I’m just too tired to think of one. It’s a Monday…

A Word of Advice
I have said this a million times, but it bears repeating: If you are going to burglarize a store, please measure your mode of entrance to make sure you will fit. Because I guarantee the firefighters who come to rescue you will laugh their asses off, and then cut off all you clothes even if it’s not strictly necessary.

Also, do not under any circumstances throw apple pie at a sherriff’s deputy.

Mutiny on the Bounty
I have many questions about the cruise ship passengers who mutinied due to a sub-par cruise but my main question is: A 93 day cruise? Seriously?

Another Reason to Avoid the Hospital
Apparently, the doctors there see nothing wrong with learning medical procedures from ER and Grey’s Anatomy.

Lord Help Me Not Raise One of These
Because I swear if my child were to be notorious for his internet video of him stuffing lettuce leaves up his nose then serving them to customers, I would have to lie down and die.

Okay, my finger says enough. Hope this at least boosts you a bit on your way through the week.