I had a terrarium when I was a kid that made me quite happy. While reading Terrariums Make a Comback, I wondered if perhaps these were the perfect cubicle toy: easy to care for, pleasing to look at, and infinitely interesting. Slideshow for terrariums here and ideas for making one here.
Retroactively announced theme of the week: nice move, dumbass!
The key word of this article is the word “eventually.” As in, just how long were people watching p*rn in Walmart before somebody spoke up?
Speaking of stupid moves by employees, I am hoping this guy didn’t let a passenger drive a LIRR train on one of the days my parents were here. (Wrong train line… whew!)
Oooh! Ooooh! Another stupid move. I think we have our theme for the day. I’m going to go and update my header: When holding a safety drill in which employees will be held at gunpoint, you MIGHT want to let them in on the plan. Just a thought.
Here’s a meme I was completely unaware of. The “Lying Down Game” sounds stupid to me. And their employers agreed.
If you are employed by a public school, you probably shouldn’t cart a bus load of students over to your church to be baptized. I think that’s only okay in Texas.
Let these all serve as warnings to you. You’re welcome.
I just wrote the most horrendously huge check last week to put my baby girl in daycare. That’s why it comes as absolutely no surprise to me that this woman who ran an illegal daycare was able to afford a Jaguar and a 7,600-square-foot home with an indoor swimming pool and indoor basketball court.
There’s the traditional plumber’s crack, and then there is exposing your genitals to multiple women while claiming to have burned one’s self (while fixing plumbing?)
Requiring a thumbprint from a non-customer who is trying to cash a check at your bank may sound perfectly reasonable until you encounter someone who has no arms. At which point you might want to consider having alternatives?
A Tampa Bay Rays employee planted a fake bomb at Tropicana Field. As a practical joke. We’ve seen stuff like this before but the stupidity of some people never ceases to astound me.
I have a sort of random fondness for Fritz Coleman, weatherman… but never would I believe that God wants me to harass him. But hey, her book sounds, um, fascinating.
Well, I am beginning this post at 9:45 am. We’ll see what time the baby allows me to finish it.
Meanwhile, I used the hiatus to purge all of my old links. We’re starting fresh, and I’m trying to stay a little more on topic than I have in the past. How long will that last? I dunno.
*The interesting part of this article for me was actually the office rumor mill aspect: Business tycoon’s wife has affair and two children with his business partner.
*The review process is often a painful experience for both manager and employee. But it’s never been THIS painful in my personal experience: Boss beaten with baseball bat after giving poor performance review.
*”I’ll show you the size of my tee!”: Director of Planning and Development fired after exposing himself to woman on golf course.
*I just don’t get why this woman has to dress up as a Catholic schoolgirl while on a charity walk to work.
*If this man was my employee, I would fire him for being an idiot: Trapped in an elevator, man calls his boss rather than 911.
*And finally, the chuckle of the day: Passive-aggressive notes about store closures.
Remember that the cheese loved you more than you loved it. (Woo hoo! Only 15 minutes and the baby is still asleep! This means I can squeeze in another cup of coffee.)
Today in WWN: Discrimination in the Workplace
If you are craving White Castle after the walk-in area has closed for the night, and you are handicapped, do not try to use the drive-in with your motorized scooter. It’s not a licensed vehicle and you won’t be served. On the other hand I am pretty sure you can get a ticket for DUI. (And, I might note, given the excessive greasiness of White Castle slyders, they might just be doing you a favor anyway.)
Meanwhile, if you are missing an arm, don’t go to Burger King, because they won’t cut your hamburger in half for you. Because it’s a liability issue of course. (This has got to be the most pathetic excuse ever, by the way.)
Here’s a brief story about a taco truck believed to be the target of a hate crime as it was burned down by molotov cocktails.
And finally, a councilman is angered by a hot dog stand that hires convicts. Because it seems “Misdemeanor Weiners” don’t strike him as funny.
Oh god I’m so hungry.
I bought a little violet cardigan at Brooks Brothers many years ago as an alternative to a jacket, and I’ve really never fallen out of love with it. Now cardigans are everywhere in the workplace, as you can see in Bill Cunningham’s On the Streeet photo essay as women walk to work. It’s close to the perfect wardrobe piece.
Lacking any sort of cohesive theme this week, I decided to pick some stories I bookmarked that are just plain over the top weird.
Here’s a story I don’t quite understand. Something about a clock tower, and a guy climbing up to do some maintenance, and then falling off the ladder in shock when he discovers a dead body up there. They never tell us who the dead guy was, and there’s this sort of weird sentence wherein the injured man is referred to in the past tense by an anonymous source. Presumably the dead man was not named Doc Brown, though.
I’m sure the police officers in charge of dealing with this incident will be telling the story at parties for years to come. Drunk guy, wrecked car, deciding to tow it (upside down) using a tractor, and it all ends up in Otter Creek.
I wish there was actual footage of a plane eating a luggage container but sadly there isn’t. A “slight problem” indeed.
It must have been extremely disconcerting to open a seemingly new wallet only to find ten human teeth inside. I just really want to know how they got in there. This would be a great jumpng off point for a creative writing exercise.
And finally, this could probably fit under harassment, but it’s just so what-the-effy that I put it here. A woman is hounded out of her job at a Muslim school because parents believe her to be a man–despite a doctor’s certificate to the contrary. I can’t decide if the parents knew she was a woman and were just being assholes because they are so against women wearing pants, or if they seriously thought that she was a man.
All that confusion is making me tired. Time for a nap.
Today’s Theme: Workplace Robberies
The best part about this robbery comes at the end. It reads like a Kevin Smith film:
Suspect: “Give it to me, all of it. C’mon, c’mon, hurry.”
Victim: “Whatever, dude.”
Washington appears to be plagued by robberies in fact. This one involves a board spiked with nails and a decidedly less mellow clerk.
Meanwhile, in Dallas, the weapon of choice was a sword. Why do they always want cigarettes? The conclusion here is that smoking leads you to rob places.
As a woman I am strongly against the “she was asking for it” defense. However, when a lone woman delivery driver agrees to venture out after midnight in response to a suspicious call… It’s kind of expected that she will get beaten and robbed by a gang of teens. On the other hand she sounds kind of bad-ass going right back to work and refusing medical treatment.
Meanwhile, if you as a fired employee are going to go back to your former workplace and rob it, make sure your mask’s eyeholes are small enough to actually disguise who you are.
And just to make you feel better about humanity, here’s an exact-opposite-of-robbery story: A store owner returns the quarter of a million dollars (in cash!) that he found on the street, that turned out to most likely be from an armored truck.
A photo essay of office pranks, most of which involve a lot of paper.
Today’s theme: Stupid Workplace Policies
Please vote for whichever one you think is the stupidest.
I’m going to be brief today, because my hips hurt and I’m tired and my husband appears to have food poisoning or maybe he just ate way too much of the leftover potatoes au gratin.
I have three articles that I’ve been saving for a rainy day. They don’t really fit in with anything else, except that they are about the economy and they are mostly irritating:
In Man’s Unique Job Search is Sign of the Times we read about a Florida man who is looking for work by standing around on a street corner with a posterboard advertising his unemployed status. Judging from a Googled profile on LinkedIn, it may well have worked.
In Recipe for Adventure: 52 Weeks, 52 Friends, I see a guy who would earn a smack upside the head and not a couch from me. But then, I’m not really a fan of anyone who chucks a perfectly good job in this economy and then sponges off his friends in the guise of being artistic and bohemian.
I could have sworn this was already written about in this blog, but I didn’t find anything in my search so perhaps Ms T and I merely bitched about it via email. Can Two People Eat on $67 a Week? Oh, it’s so difficult to give up the mesclun and butchered duck legs, I know.
Okay, I’m hobbling off to make some rice for the invalid.
Today’s theme: Getting Fired
If a teacher tells a student who attempted suicide that his attempt was weak, and to “carve deeper next time,” isn’t that enough to get him fired? Apparently not.
How about making a student clean up the clog they created in a toilet using paper towels? Possibly.
What else can you get fired for…talking about buying medical marijuana for your aunt who has breast cancer is not a good idea, if you are a police dispatcher. I have to say despite being pro-legalization, I’m with the employers on this… the first rule of Pot Club is, you don’t tell all your coworkers.
You can also get fired for getting caught riding a 66-mile endurance race when you’ve been out on sick leave for more than 90 days.
As a patient, the last thing I would want is for one of the nurses to get laid off mid-surgery. I’m just saying.
And finally, the last thing you want to come home to after you get fired from your job? Your house, on fire.
And on that happy and uplifting note, have a great week everyone!
Today in WWN: Violence in the Workplace
I hate Take Your Kids to Work Day. It’s distracting to the workers, boring for the kids, and it’s pretty much there so parents feel like they are active in their children’s lives and HR can point out how family friendly the company is. Except when there are tasers involved.
The most intriguing part of this article is not that a woman tried to bite a member of the flight crew on a London-bound flight, but that she did so after consuming, among other things, a bottle of liquid soap from the airplane lavatory.
Oh, how often I wanted to do this when I worked retail. I really want to hear the full story here. It sounds like it was along the lines of “I want to return this.” “No.” “Oh, can I talk to a manager please?” &%$#@ smack down. At least I generally waited until after the customer insulted me before I wanted to start punching.
But here’s a case where it sounds like violence against the customer was justified. Apparently, all it took to get this customer started on throwing things at the owner and his mother was a sign that said “Sorry, we are not a daycare center. Please control your children.” (See #1 entry above?)
Up for Stupidest Boss on the Planet Award is the guy who thought it would be funny to stage a workplace shooting but not bring everyone in on the joke. “No Horseplay” indeed.
We know that fast food is bad for you. We know it can even lead to an early death, if abused too much. But when even the signage starts killing people, that’s an issue.
May all of you avoid tasers and stupid bosses this week.
Please take a look at this office. And then tell me in comments if you could work in it.
This week in Weird Workplace News: Sex and the Workplace
I kind of sort of hate the word “sexting.” I’m betting this guy does too.
This robber’s heart was in the right place–he robbed a bank because he didn’t want his girlfriend to work as a prostitute anymore. How sweet.
That is probably a good move, given the state of the economy. Even brothels have had to cut their prices.
Yet apparently, this Japanese mother thought her 15-year-old daughter would make enough money at it to pay off a whopping cell phone bill.
“Flying and oral sex don’t mix.” And yet the guy kept flying for three years… what scares me more is the number of suspensions and bizarre accidents he’s had.
So a stripper gets arrested, and what is her first reaction? Time to strip, of course.
Meanwhile, this stripper got attacked by a shoe-wielding rival. Now, those stiletto heels can be pretty nasty. But it could also have been one of those lucite wedge models.
And finally, at what point do pornographic pictures on your computer move from deniable accidents to intentional obsession? I’m guessing at somewhere under 24,000 of them in organized directories.
Have a great week!
Normally, I would consider this to be a Friday theme, but since Mondays can often drive one to drink as well, I’m going with it: Drinking and the Workplace
When I lived in Santa Cruz, there was a furniture store with a sign out in front that always had punny sayings on it. Most of them were pretty stupid, or at least only appealing to old people. I am pretty sure this was not meant to appeal to old people.
Here’s another headline that amuses the hell out of me: “Hooters Girls Battle Man Hiding in Car.” Another choice excerpt: “Childers said he was waiting for the girls because ‘they looked easy’ and he had a conservative girlfriend.” Oh Childers, you were sadly mistaken.
Ms. T, and a few other readers, will “fondly” remember our high school driving instructor Mr. Guck. He was, as he liked to remind us, legally blind (which didn’t stop him from hitting on the girls.) But I do not believe that he was ever legally drunk during class.
In a collossal waste of alcohol and fruit juice, this guy won the Guiness record for most drinks mixed in an hour, most of which were poured out so he could make more. But the interesting part comes at the end, because there is someone who has the job of travelling all over to confirm Guiness records. Awesome.
Another job that one would not tend to think about is “bar spy,” which is sort of like a secret shopper for bars. Now, I worked retail chains for many years and we always had secret shoppers. I get this. It’s the best way to manage quality on a large scale, particularly with layers and layers of management. But, I don’t think it’s the way to go for a single, small location. It’s much nicer from an employee relations standpoint to show that you trust them.
And finally, not truly about drinking, but here’s a heart-warming story about a priest who donated a kidney to one of his parishioners.
Happy Monday!
Today in Weird Workplace News: Strange “Religious” Practices in the Workplace
Has everyone here seen Major League? Remember how Pedro Cerrano was going to sacrifice a live chicken so he would hit a home run? This is sort of like that. Only, not so much.
This article totally irritates me. Because: Cage fighting! For Jesus! On Easter Sunday Sunday Sunday! But after the buildup of the headline it’s like, oh no, we were just BSing. No cage fights. But there WILL be some random dude giving pointers on pro-wrestling moves.
“Some” say the image on the door at this car dealership is Jesus. Looks more like Anubis to me. Whatever. Jesus wants a Chrysler.
I like how the issue in this article is that the pilot stopped to pray. I think we would all be praying under similar circumstances. I think the real issue is that he didn’t multi-task and follow proper emergency procedures at the time. But, let’s just make it all about religion.
And finally, this isn’t really a religious item, except that some people tend to treat Harry Potter as the second coming. Apparently Lord Voldemort forgot how to do the cruciatus curse and instead decided to defeat his enemy the paramedic the old-fashioned way. But if you know you Harry Potter lore, you will see how this article ties in with the first one. So there.
Happy, um , Easter Tuesday to everyone!
This has been a slow news week. Yet it has been a strangely eventful week for me at work. Military-like coups, vengeful mutterings, and all sorts of intrigue. I think I may survive, but only because it’s entertaining to watch.
Meanwhile–this week in the weird workplace:
The funniest part of this story to me was “she wasn’t receptive to the idea of seeing her colleague in the buff.” I’m trying to think of a situation where that sentence WOULDN’T be true. Maybe… nah, not even Johnny Depp. Well… okay maybe then.
Meanwhile, this poor mail carrier was beaten up by a woman after he refused to open her neighbor’s mailbox for her so she could look for a check she was expecting. Usually it’s just dogs they have to look out for.
Here’s another one that cracks me up. I can just envision the look on this guy’s face when he realized he’d robbed a cop. At a police convention. “This should make all Pennsylvania news as the dumbest criminal in Pennsylvania.”Why do I picture the part of the cop being played by Dennis Franz?
Not funny but horrifying, a coach beat one of his students with a canoe paddle, and then when it broke, he repaired it with duct tape so he could continue beating him. “Paddling” may be legal in Texas but I’m not quite sure this is what they had in mind.
And finally: Ooops. “After a brief second of shock, laughter and howls erupted from the 23 advanced-placement students, mostly freshmen and sophomores.” Oh my god that would have been the best day of school ever back in my day.
Alrighty folks, hang in there. Try not to become a headline.
I appear to have sprained my finger or something, so I will actually be doing as little typing as possible for this post. (”Well thank god,” they all said.) Today is another day of themeless weirdness, or perhaps I’m just too tired to think of one. It’s a Monday…
A Word of Advice
I have said this a million times, but it bears repeating: If you are going to burglarize a store, please measure your mode of entrance to make sure you will fit. Because I guarantee the firefighters who come to rescue you will laugh their asses off, and then cut off all you clothes even if it’s not strictly necessary.
Also, do not under any circumstances throw apple pie at a sherriff’s deputy.
Mutiny on the Bounty
I have many questions about the cruise ship passengers who mutinied due to a sub-par cruise but my main question is: A 93 day cruise? Seriously?
Another Reason to Avoid the Hospital
Apparently, the doctors there see nothing wrong with learning medical procedures from ER and Grey’s Anatomy.
Lord Help Me Not Raise One of These
Because I swear if my child were to be notorious for his internet video of him stuffing lettuce leaves up his nose then serving them to customers, I would have to lie down and die.
Okay, my finger says enough. Hope this at least boosts you a bit on your way through the week.
So the other day I saw a news story about explaining your job to your kids, and the comedic misunderstandings that ensue. I was trying to figure out how to explain to my future children that Mommy looks at socks and underwear all day, and then tells people whether floral or plain white sell better. The nice thing about kids is they might actually find that pretty exciting stuff.
But in case you were thinking of changing your profession to one that the kids might find a little more interesting, here are some suggestions:
President of the United States: Okay, bear with me. Yes, you say “President” and the kid is already in awe. It’s pretty much the only job most kids have heard of before they turn five. But the coolest part? He (or she) gets to wear a bulletproof suit. My inner child thinks that’s the coolest damn thing ever.
Worm Fiddler: He’s kind of like the Worm Whisperer. Also known as “rooping,” the art of worm fiddling is handed down from generation to generation, and it’s all about luring worms to their doom through the use of some sort of magical worm symphony. I swear to god I am not making this up.
Nude Doctor: This one makes me sad because the headline led me to believe it was doctors who practice medicine in the nude. New Zealand, you have failed me.
Dental Divester: The economy has gotten so bad that people are selling their gold teeth at malls for cash. And somebody has to remove those teeth.
Soccer Pundit: You get to watch soccer (football) matches all day and then compare a tackle to rape on national TV! Ah, I remember when my brother-in-law went through his “likening losing a computer game to getting raped” phase. It was charming. And 7 years ago.
Charles Darwin: Because then you’d have lots and lots of nice shoes.
So what is the weirdest job you’ve ever had? And, how would you explain it to your kids (assuming it’s not your current job…)
Why did I not write this column yesterday:
A) I wanted to wait and see if there’s was any fun St Patrick’s Day workplace news.
B) I was celebrating it a day early.
C) I got all involved in cooking and exercising and forgot it was Monday.
or
D) My cat said he would write it but he didn’t.
Only one of these things is true, but all of them are perfectly plausible.
Today, in the spirit of drunken abandon, I have a themeless mishmash of news, best read over a pint of Guinness.
You know the recession is bad when it even hits Sesame Street. I actually find this really depressing, but the fine folks at Fark lifted my spirits by photoshopping new occupations for laid off Sesame Street characters–like Bert and Ernie campaigning for gay rights. (Some are not work-safe…)
Two teens who look like Muppets were arrested for releasing pepper spray in a Germantown, PA Walmart (man, I wish newspapers would stop adding that hyphen). I know I shouldn’t laugh but these guys look exactly like you would expect.
What do you NOT want to do to the brand spanking new carpet at work? Do $84,000 worth of damage by spilling tea on it. And you really, really don’t want to do that if your employer is the Queen of England.
Okay so here’s another slightly not work-safe article. What I truly love about this advertising campaign is that it’s coming from the industry that has gotten in trouble for kicking women off their planes for not being clothed enough for their tastes.
Ms T and I were both struck by this article about a woman who drugged her boss’s coffee so he’d “chill.” Sigh. If only.
If you do go out drinking tonight, be sure to check that the lights in your bar are not tanning lights.
And, finally, “Chaos at Land O’Lakes Chili’s” is one of my favorite headlines of the week. It involves a grown man writhing on the floor and throwing crayons. Good times, there.
Okay folks, I’m off to exercise and not drink. Because that’s what happens when you get out of college. But if you are inclined to celebrate St. Paddy’s Day, please have a beer for me.